Wednesday, August 17, 2011

He That Will Cheat At Play, Will Cheat You Any Way

Back in college, my roommate and I always loved to use the line "If you're not cheating, you're not trying hard enough".  Sounds like it makes sense. By definition, if you are cheating, you are altering the rules of the game to (hopefully) gain a competitive advantage. And for anyone who ever cheated at school, you know it usually does require more work. Instead of just memorizing the information, you have to find a way to conceal the information, be able to call upon the cheat sheet at the right time, all the while not getting caught.

So when three teams from the same conference, the same division even, have been caught cheating in the past calendar year, an outsider would probably expect those teams to be kicking ass and taking names every season. Or at the very least, for that division to be one of the most competitive in all of the sport.

Not so fast my friend.

In the past 365 days (approximately), the University of North Carolina, the University of Miami, and Georgia Tech have all officially and unofficially been charged with a number of violations in connection with their respective football programs. In the past six years since the ACC expanded to 12 teams, thus creating two 6-team divisions, only two teams have won this division. And one of those two teams didn't have to cheat.

To be honest, I don't really care about what GT did to get punished. Player received a few hundred dollars worth of clothing, was coached to some extent on what to say during his interview, GT gets in trouble. That's boring. Have you seen all the cool stuff other programs are doing?

What makes them interesting, and helps me make an overall point, is the fact that they're the only team on this list to win their division (twice) and the conference championship (once). The bad news for the Yellow Jackets is this one, not very big deal, happened around the time they won their only post-expansion ACC Championship, thus forcing them to vacate the title. I don't mind still saying they won the title. They won on the field, and their crime wasn't an on-field advantage. Moving on.

I have personally enjoyed everything that has gone down in this next case. There aren't many fan bases that are as passionate about their sports teams as UNC; just like there aren't many fan bases that have such a high percentage of their fans who didn't even attend (or possibly ever visited) the school. And when most of your fans only care about sports and not the university, we learn how low a price you're willing to sell your soul for.

After years of mediocrity, UNC made what was supposed to be "the decision" to turn their program into the next college football powerhouse by hiring Butch Davis. Well the good news for them is they now are up there with some of the greatest teams of all time...on the list of teams who cut corners and used unethical behavior to try and win a game. Unfortunately for them, they forgot to win while they tried to tilt the scales.

One thing UNC gets credit for is not putting all their eggs in one basket. They didn't pick one way to cheat and focus all their energy there. UNC was willing to turn a blind eye in every area.

Want to play in the NFL? You receive this agent when you sign with us!

Is that class you're taking too hard? Here's one of those fancy new tutors who do the assignments for you!

You are a collegiate level athlete but are afraid of strenuous activity like walking? Don't worry, park wherever the hell you want, we'll take care of your fines!

I'm going to say this on the record, and in my first ever blog, because that is how strongly I believe in this next sentence:

BUTCH DAVIS KNEW EVERYTHING, HE HAS NEVER HAD A PROBLEM WITH CHEATING, AND ANYTHING POSITIVE ABOUT HIM HAS COME FROM SOME SORT OF SPIN MACHINE AND FROM FANS WHO ARE WILLING TO BELIEVE WHATEVER HELPS THEM SLEEP AT NIGHT!

I'll be honest. There is a lot of alleged sh!t going on down at South Beach; and for once it is actually interesting. No tattoos, or shirts, or parking tickets. This is how you're supposed to cheat: hookers, yachts, player bounty payments, and clubbing it up every week.

That being said, Miami isn't worth my time. I will enjoy their demise, and never feel sorry for the self-important, waste of talent players and fans who, at least in spirit, were all to blame for this. They built a reputation to be the bad boys, and that is exactly how they're always be remembered now. Good riddance.

So with all this going on for a few weeks (GT), a few years (UNC), and a lifetime most likely (Miami), there is still the final result of what all this cheating helped these teams achieve:

Overall (Conference) Records since 2004
Georgia Tech: 56-35 (37-21); two Coastal Division Championships, one ACC Championship (vacated)

UNC: 42-43 (26-30), Butch Davis era only: 28-23 (15-11), zero division/conference championships

Miami: 53-35 (30-26), zero division/conference championships

Virginia Tech: 73-21 (49-10), four Coastal Division Championships, four ACC Championships

Well I guess we were wrong; you can be cheating and still not try hard enough to win.

H-O-K-I-E-S HOKIES!


2 comments:

  1. Yea i have to say massive style points go out to "the U" for how they did it. As much as i hate to say it but at least they are going down in a blaze of boats of Hoes! Unlike UNC who are just going down in a big flaming pile of losers and morons. The only conclusion i can come to is that either Marvin Austin is the dumbest person alive, or he hates UNC as much as we do. Then you have GT who in normal GT fashion, is probably the most boring team to ever garner NCAA sanctions.

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  2. Totally eloquent, and obviously informative considering my lack of knowledge regarding any of this. Awesome blog, Bobby, Congrats! You are a splendidly humorous writer. : )

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